Practicality of Relationships
You need to love yourself first. That’s more important than anything else. It’s an art that very few know how to master.
I read this everywhere on the internet when I was reaching out for some help after my second romantic rejection.
Like any other heartbreak, I was feeling low and disheartened. Disconnected from my own people. I have always felt unwanted since my school days and now when I’m 25-years-old, it has gone to some other level.
This feeling of unwantedness added more fire to my grief and I was searching out for some help to get out of that phase. And that’s when I found that we are still far from understanding the practicality of relationships.
Most of the blogs, articles I found on the web were around the concept of self-love and self-realization. If you are searching for help people will tell you to live yourself to get over the person you love. I heard tons of podcasts read books, blogs, etc. and all of them were focused on finding what you like about yourself first. But I feel there’s one thing we all are forgetting here.
I’m totally on for the concept of self-love. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can take care of yourself properly. But that’s not what makes us happy. Sometimes, you think that there should be someone who would listen to you without giving the feeling that you’re clingy. S/he would listen to whatever you want to say. I think there are a few things that we cannot enjoy being with just ourselves.
Since the inception of mankind, we humans are programmed to live in groups. We love being loved. We love being taken care of by someone. We love it when someone is always there for us. Now that’s where the practicality of relationships comes into the picture.
I have seen many examples of my friends being depressed just because they didn’t have anybody with whom they can talk about anything and everything. Mostly, this is common with introverts. Consider me in here. I have been an introvert since my birth. It’s very difficult for me to approach someone to talk and initiate a conversation. People sometimes take it in another way and think that I’m underconfident. But introverts are like that.
I still feel a bit insecure around couples and think that why can’t I get what they are getting. I’m ready for a relationship and I’m working towards it but I just cannot find someone who can reciprocate my feelings.
Now this, I think, happens with everyone at some point of time in their lives. It’s difficult to get over this phase especially if you have already faced rejections. And then you get to read and listen to things like loving yourself.
Don’t I take care of myself? I read. I keep myself updated. I work towards my professional life to build my career. I’m trying to be as independent as I can. I’m working on improving myself. Isn’t it all “self-love”?
What people like me expect is the support of someone when we are trying our best to improve ourselves. Now, here we can argue over that requirement of support. But I think not all are strong mentally.
Sometimes, normal people need support to go further in life. They want someone to be there for them mentally and physically. And it’s completely natural, in my opinion.
Nature is built on the concept of reproduction. Sex or physical intimacy is an integral part of our lives. Sex helps you get confidence and makes you mentally stable. You can enjoy sexual pleasure alone but it’s limited. it’s best to be enjoyed with your partner.
Now, this is something we all need to think about. I was discussing this with my friends and one of them called sex, not love but the act of pleasure. A couple in relationships makes themselves comfortable with each other so that they can involve in physical intimacy.
I have seen people feeling terribly under-confident due to not having that physical contact. They cannot talk about this because, in some societies, sex is still considered taboo. And therefore they get more stressed and frustrated by their situation.
It’s actually better sometimes to be practical in relationships and just be clear about what you really want.
The whole point of this blog is to tell people that it’s absolutely fine to feel the need for a partner. The concepts of self-love and individualism have somehow negatively impacted people’s mindsets about wanting to have a relationship and needing a partner. Neediness sometimes mistakenly considered as a weakness and taking care of someone you love is sometimes wrongly addressed as pestering.
It’s nothing wrong with feeling that you need someone to complete yourself, even though you should always prioritize yourself over others. It’s okay to expect from people that you love. Yes, you will face setbacks but that’s how life is. You should never stop pouring love towards your loved ones. After all, true love has always been unconditional.
So, just be happy and find someone that can help you complete yourself and be with you when you improve yourself. Together, you can explore new possibilities in your lives by taking care of yourself and your partner—going a step ahead from just loving yourself.